Last Saturday I felt great. The green shorts I had bought a month prior were even baggier than they were when I bought them. That always makes for a good day. Sad, I know but at least I am aware!

Later that day Bob and I went to Target. I was scrolling through the shoe aisles when I saw a young woman (ok, so she was about my age) sitting on the floor trying on shoes. Now SHE was tiny. Immediately I did not feel so good anymore and I wanted to be that thin. Her arms had great definition and her legs were really slender. I want to look like that. She didn't have that anorexic look, but was definitely thin.

I shared with Bob last night that I am envious of my friend Patty because she has a ton of new, hip clothes and continues to buy more, she is working out with a personal trainer, she has lost weight, the training with the PT has made her legs look better, she is healthy, she can eat any food (no food allergies), and she only has to work part-time or not at all if that's what she wants. I know it's wrong to be envious but how do stop being envious? And it's not that I don't want her to have all those things, it's just that I wish I could have them, too. Not that that makes it ok!

Bob said it's a shame that both of us are trying to fill a void with trying to be thinner or leaner, etc. Am I really trying to fill a void or could it be that I simply want smooth, firm skin again on my legs like I had 3 1/2 years ago? Is it really wrong to have a desire to see the results of hard work outs and a clean diet? I mean what's the point in eating healthy and exercising consistently if I don't see any changes? I know, my body is God’s temple and I should take good care of it (1 Corinthians 3:16) but what Christian does? It is one of my biggest pet peeves that in any Christian circles I have been in, some of the unhealthiest food has been served. And what bugs me even more is that nobody seems to care or even WANT to make an attempt to eat healthy. Someone said to me that food is the Christian’s last drug! So aren’t we all trying to fill a void with something other than God?