Joy
Most days I just want the day to go by, especially when I am at work. There are few things I look forward to like date night with Bob every Friday, Thursday evenings because our favorite shows are on, and weekends for the most part. It's so hard for me to find joy in the present moment because I just want "all this" to be over. I want to be in a job that I love and enjoy going to every morning. More so, I want to be completely healthy. Maybe God is waiting for me to find joy in the midst of discomfort or crises or pain, etc. Maybe that's when things will get better or maybe then it won't matter.
I started feeling better when I stopped EDTA chelation 10 days ago. Dr. Bellonzi wanted to run some more tests before continuing. The lab results came back and he said I need to get started again. I was going in twice a week for a 10 cc push and I will resume that next week. Last Thursday I started back on the oral EDTA I have here at home. In the long run I know it will help and I so much want to feel better by the time we go on our next cruise , but I am bummed that it makes me feel crappy.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. For the first time in a while I did not have any pain, no itchy skin or swollen eye lids, and wasn't retaining a ton of water, but today I feel worse again. This time I think it's from the almonds and almond butter I had yesterday. I was intolerant to them last August but thought I had cut them out of my diet long enough to be able to eat them again. However, this is the second time I felt bad the day after eating them.
Not only does my lower back hurt, but I could tell I was retaining water as soon as I got up. When I got dressed my pants were much tighter - I hate that! It immediately puts a damper on my day. I had to keep reminding myself that it's JUST water retention and so what if my thighs are slightly bigger?! What is it with those thighs? If I could only figure that one out it would be a HUGE step for me. So much of my energy is take up by how I look. Why does it matter so much? I always wonder how other women feel about their bodies. Do they worry about how they look, what they eat, and how much they exercise. Do they feel comfortable in a bathing suit?
I started feeling better when I stopped EDTA chelation 10 days ago. Dr. Bellonzi wanted to run some more tests before continuing. The lab results came back and he said I need to get started again. I was going in twice a week for a 10 cc push and I will resume that next week. Last Thursday I started back on the oral EDTA I have here at home. In the long run I know it will help and I so much want to feel better by the time we go on our next cruise , but I am bummed that it makes me feel crappy.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. For the first time in a while I did not have any pain, no itchy skin or swollen eye lids, and wasn't retaining a ton of water, but today I feel worse again. This time I think it's from the almonds and almond butter I had yesterday. I was intolerant to them last August but thought I had cut them out of my diet long enough to be able to eat them again. However, this is the second time I felt bad the day after eating them.
Not only does my lower back hurt, but I could tell I was retaining water as soon as I got up. When I got dressed my pants were much tighter - I hate that! It immediately puts a damper on my day. I had to keep reminding myself that it's JUST water retention and so what if my thighs are slightly bigger?! What is it with those thighs? If I could only figure that one out it would be a HUGE step for me. So much of my energy is take up by how I look. Why does it matter so much? I always wonder how other women feel about their bodies. Do they worry about how they look, what they eat, and how much they exercise. Do they feel comfortable in a bathing suit?
posted by Kristina at 3/06/2005 04:07:00 PM
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