Theophostic

I had a Theophostic Prayer session with my therapist last night. It was hard. I cried - not sure why other than I feel I am at the end. This is like a recurring nightmare. Sypmtoms I have not had in a long time are back, new symptoms are appearing, eating produces physical discomfort by the end of the day, and it's an effort to get out of bed each day. The breakthrough I had hoped for last night did not happen.

It is more and more painfully aware to me that my identity is wrapped up in how I look. I've known it for a long time but I have never felt it. If I don't look good by my standards, then what am I good at?

Theophostic Prayer is supposed to help me go back to where it all started and actually feel those feelings. When I try to remember my childhood all I get is darkness with very few and intermittent unpleasent memories - falling at the playground and busting my nose, falling off my bike, my dog dying, etc.