So I feel worse this morning. I still think it's a good thing - just not too happy about it. The brain fog is back as is the fatigue, the lower back aches, and most of all the depression. This sucks. I used to think that the depression was a result of the physical symptoms, but have come to realize that depression is just one of the symptoms of candidiasis.

I wonder how many people out there suffering from depression, chronic fatigue symptom, fibromyalgia, MS, and other debilitating diseases really have an underlying case of candidiasis. I have read about people who suffered for 10 years before they knew what was really going on. The scary part is that most doctors are clueless when it comes to candida or parasites. They treat the symptoms with medication which compounds the problem by destroying all the good bacteria and flora in the gut and intestines. The patient actually starts feeling worse and worse, requiring more and more medication. Hmmm, how convenient for drug manufacturers. On second thought, maybe doctors DO know about candidiasis and parasites. I often wonder how many doctors make additional income by advocating one drug over another and certainly advocating drugs over natural supplements. Pretty scary!!

I am waiting on The Maker's Diet to be released. It was written by Jordan Rubin who has an amazing story of struggling with health issues (lost 81 lbs), doctors were unable to help him, and then he finally found healing through changing his diet and taking natural supplements. When I first read about this book, and then Jordan's story, it gave me so much hope. I felt like it was a little message from God letting me know that everything WILL be ok. I have moments of fear that Threelac will not help because I don't really have candida (although everything points to it) and then I remind myself that even if it doesn't, SOMETHING WILL.

I think the most frustrating thing is when you seem to be doing everything right, your food intake is back to the basics of meat, veggies and fat (while everybody around you is eating pasta, donuts, and candy bars), you take natural supplements, you exercise on a regular basis, yet you keep feeling crappy. Continuing a strict regimen without seeing results has been the most difficult challenge in all this. But in the end you realize that it's all worth it and you WERE doing the right thing, even if you didn't feel better right away.

And I sure as hell am tired of writing about my health issues all the freakin' time, but it's just still so much a part of my life. The last 10 days were much better and I was actually interested in what's going on in the world, discussing it with Bob, and getting excited, angry or what ever about somthing other than my health. It was nice and we had more fun, too, because I wasn't such a moody bitch all the time. I finally got a glimpse of what life used to be like before I got sick and what it will be like again, and even better, in the near future. Maybe that's why the temporary set back is hitting me so hard.

The interesting thing is how God is using all this for something good. My whole life, for as long as I can remember, it always used to be about being thin - no, being skinny. That's all I cared about and worked on. If there was a new supplement to help you loose fat, I was taking it, regardless of any implications it might have on my health. Ephedrine is just one example. I used to pop 2 ephedrine based fat burners first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee. Then I'd go lift weights followed by a 45 minute cardio and I made that treadmill smoke. Then I would take another 2 before lunch, and another 2 in the afternoon. And I wondered why I couldn't sleep at night. DUH! Anyway, now the focus has completely shifted to being healthy. I eat for nourishment and health, not for fun or to be the skinniest of them all. It's kind of a cool shift.