I thought once I had the hysterectomy everything would be ok. I assumed that all my little problems were linked to the hormonal imbalance and once I am down to one healthy ovary, everything else would be resolved as well. It didn't quite work out that way.
For a while I was feeling better and although I tested positive for antinuclear antibodies, there is no sign of any autoimmune diseases. However, I just don't feel right, especially after eating. I also still have horrible and long PMS - typically about 12 to 14 days. During that time I feel miserable 24 hours a day. The rest of the time I feel good most days when I wake up. As soon as I eat something I feel tired, bloated, my stomach grows by about 7 inches, my lower back hurts, I retain tons of water and I get headaches. My ability to concentrate is basically non-existant and I can't remember anything anymore. The pain and concentration problems are bad enough, but the physical changes in addition to that for someone who has struggled with an eating disorder for so long make for a pretty bad day - every day!
After working with my nutritionist for a while I finally gave up on him and decided to go see my gastroenterologist and ask her to run some tests. Although she claims I have IBS like several other doctors, she did order several tests. One indicated that I have 2 parasites. I already knew about one found by the same doctor roughly a year ago - blastocystis hominis - and now there is another one - giardia. Blasto is incredibly hard to get rid of and it has adapted to the medication typically prescribed for it. Not that I want to go on antibiotics again anyhow...taking antibiotics is probably what got me here in the first place.
So I found the most potent anti-parasitic herbal program I could find and both Bob and I have been on it for close to 3 weeks now. I had hoped to see some improvement in how I am feeling, but I haven't so far. If anything, some of my old symptoms which had gone away have come back, such as dry itchy skin, food intolerances, and more. As part of the anti-parasite program I am also getting colonics once a week. The 'colonic guy', Anthony, said that it's best to do a complete cleanse of the body, which eliminates the symptoms, and then add the herbs to heal the body. Makes sense to me so that 's what I am starting Saturday (3/13/04). It involves a colonic every day for 7 days,a heavy course of probiotics, and 'eating' a rice protein drink called Ultra Clear. You're not giving your body actual food so the parasites tend to starve. It also cleans out candida overgrowth which I most likely have due to parasites and based on my symptoms.
The past 18 months have been hard to say the least. My job situation is still just as frustrating and at this point it's a struggle to get out of bed. I wake up and feel depressed. I get up and drag myself into the kitchen for a cup of green tea (no more coffee allowed). Right now I am reading The Purpose Driven Life so I read one chapter and then get ready to go to the gym. After the gym I take about 30 different herbs which make me feel nauseous. When I get to work I eat breakfast and that's when all the symptoms start. I am constantly hungry no matter how much I eat and have to monitor my food intake. I am basically following a caveman diet (meat, veggies, oil) yet I am having trouble maintaining my weight (common with candida). I crave sugar and other carbs because that's what candida feeds on, so I can't have any. I sit at work feeling incredibly bored whether I have something to do or not, fighting the urge to eat. At 6 PM I finally get to go home and all I want to do is eat and watch TV. I have no desire to read, go hang out with friends, go out period, or do anything other than watch mindless shows on TV and go to bed early because I am so worn out. And then the cycle starts over.
The last few months I have been telling myself that things will get better just to be disappointed over and over and over again. It has completely robbed me off any joy or happiness. I wish I could say the opposite, but it's a struggle to keep a smile on my face, do my job, and maintain a relatively normal marriage. I have been complaining about this so much I am afraid to talk about it anymore and I know it is wearing Bob out, too. So I keep it to myself and just keep saying that I am ok. I want to be the fun-loving, energetic, outgoing wife I was when we first got married, but I just can't, and I know I can't live in the past. There are days I just want to stay in bed, curl up in a little ball and cry my heart out, but I can't do that either. I have to get up and go to work or do what ever we do on weekends.
If this seems like a pity party it's not meant to be. I am just being honest about how I am feeling. The amazing thing in all this is that I am NOT giving in to those crazy food cravings, I am NOT bingeing or purging, I am NOT staying in bed all day, and I am NOT giving up. And that is because God has seen me through all this. Most days I can't feel his presence and that was hard for me in the beginning, but I am learning to trust because I KNOW he is with me. The mere fact that I am not giving in to my old eating disorder behaviours despite looking like I am pregnant, retaining tons of water every day, and loosing muscle is a miracle - one you cannot fully comprehend unless you've struggled with an ED.
I know that God wants me to heal and looking back I realize he has been trying to point me in the direction of the parasite all along...I just didn't listen. While I know this cleanse will be really hard because I have never lived on liquids for an entire week, I am looking forward to it. I can't wait to feel better and to get my life back. I have visions of going to a restaurant and not worrying about a tiny speck of dairy on my food. Yes, the food allergies are most likely a result of leaky gut caused by candida and should go away. I imagine spending our weekends taking trips, going hiking, playing tennis, having parties, visiting with friends, going swimming and so much more.
If you are reading this and feel like it, please pray for me. Pray that I will be able to follow the cleanse 100% for the entire 7 days. Pray that my symptoms will go away during those 7 days and that the parasites and candida will be eventually as well. Pray that Bob and I can finally have a normal marriage.
For a while I was feeling better and although I tested positive for antinuclear antibodies, there is no sign of any autoimmune diseases. However, I just don't feel right, especially after eating. I also still have horrible and long PMS - typically about 12 to 14 days. During that time I feel miserable 24 hours a day. The rest of the time I feel good most days when I wake up. As soon as I eat something I feel tired, bloated, my stomach grows by about 7 inches, my lower back hurts, I retain tons of water and I get headaches. My ability to concentrate is basically non-existant and I can't remember anything anymore. The pain and concentration problems are bad enough, but the physical changes in addition to that for someone who has struggled with an eating disorder for so long make for a pretty bad day - every day!
After working with my nutritionist for a while I finally gave up on him and decided to go see my gastroenterologist and ask her to run some tests. Although she claims I have IBS like several other doctors, she did order several tests. One indicated that I have 2 parasites. I already knew about one found by the same doctor roughly a year ago - blastocystis hominis - and now there is another one - giardia. Blasto is incredibly hard to get rid of and it has adapted to the medication typically prescribed for it. Not that I want to go on antibiotics again anyhow...taking antibiotics is probably what got me here in the first place.
So I found the most potent anti-parasitic herbal program I could find and both Bob and I have been on it for close to 3 weeks now. I had hoped to see some improvement in how I am feeling, but I haven't so far. If anything, some of my old symptoms which had gone away have come back, such as dry itchy skin, food intolerances, and more. As part of the anti-parasite program I am also getting colonics once a week. The 'colonic guy', Anthony, said that it's best to do a complete cleanse of the body, which eliminates the symptoms, and then add the herbs to heal the body. Makes sense to me so that 's what I am starting Saturday (3/13/04). It involves a colonic every day for 7 days,a heavy course of probiotics, and 'eating' a rice protein drink called Ultra Clear. You're not giving your body actual food so the parasites tend to starve. It also cleans out candida overgrowth which I most likely have due to parasites and based on my symptoms.
The past 18 months have been hard to say the least. My job situation is still just as frustrating and at this point it's a struggle to get out of bed. I wake up and feel depressed. I get up and drag myself into the kitchen for a cup of green tea (no more coffee allowed). Right now I am reading The Purpose Driven Life so I read one chapter and then get ready to go to the gym. After the gym I take about 30 different herbs which make me feel nauseous. When I get to work I eat breakfast and that's when all the symptoms start. I am constantly hungry no matter how much I eat and have to monitor my food intake. I am basically following a caveman diet (meat, veggies, oil) yet I am having trouble maintaining my weight (common with candida). I crave sugar and other carbs because that's what candida feeds on, so I can't have any. I sit at work feeling incredibly bored whether I have something to do or not, fighting the urge to eat. At 6 PM I finally get to go home and all I want to do is eat and watch TV. I have no desire to read, go hang out with friends, go out period, or do anything other than watch mindless shows on TV and go to bed early because I am so worn out. And then the cycle starts over.
The last few months I have been telling myself that things will get better just to be disappointed over and over and over again. It has completely robbed me off any joy or happiness. I wish I could say the opposite, but it's a struggle to keep a smile on my face, do my job, and maintain a relatively normal marriage. I have been complaining about this so much I am afraid to talk about it anymore and I know it is wearing Bob out, too. So I keep it to myself and just keep saying that I am ok. I want to be the fun-loving, energetic, outgoing wife I was when we first got married, but I just can't, and I know I can't live in the past. There are days I just want to stay in bed, curl up in a little ball and cry my heart out, but I can't do that either. I have to get up and go to work or do what ever we do on weekends.
If this seems like a pity party it's not meant to be. I am just being honest about how I am feeling. The amazing thing in all this is that I am NOT giving in to those crazy food cravings, I am NOT bingeing or purging, I am NOT staying in bed all day, and I am NOT giving up. And that is because God has seen me through all this. Most days I can't feel his presence and that was hard for me in the beginning, but I am learning to trust because I KNOW he is with me. The mere fact that I am not giving in to my old eating disorder behaviours despite looking like I am pregnant, retaining tons of water every day, and loosing muscle is a miracle - one you cannot fully comprehend unless you've struggled with an ED.
I know that God wants me to heal and looking back I realize he has been trying to point me in the direction of the parasite all along...I just didn't listen. While I know this cleanse will be really hard because I have never lived on liquids for an entire week, I am looking forward to it. I can't wait to feel better and to get my life back. I have visions of going to a restaurant and not worrying about a tiny speck of dairy on my food. Yes, the food allergies are most likely a result of leaky gut caused by candida and should go away. I imagine spending our weekends taking trips, going hiking, playing tennis, having parties, visiting with friends, going swimming and so much more.
If you are reading this and feel like it, please pray for me. Pray that I will be able to follow the cleanse 100% for the entire 7 days. Pray that my symptoms will go away during those 7 days and that the parasites and candida will be eventually as well. Pray that Bob and I can finally have a normal marriage.
posted by Kristina at 3/11/2004 05:19:00 PM
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